


Secret Admirer

by EzzyDean, Ruritto



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-23
Updated: 2014-09-23
Packaged: 2018-02-18 12:47:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2348930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EzzyDean/pseuds/EzzyDean, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruritto/pseuds/Ruritto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto has a secret admirer at work and things aren't turning out quite the way anyone wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Secret Admirer

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally only supposed to be the first chapter. But after a lot of insistence that I "fix" it this all happened. Many thanks to Ruru for helping me break it more and then put it all back together.

"Don’t you think you’re overreacting a little bit Rin?"  Makoto glances from the pile of letters on the table to where Rin is pacing and practically growling at him.  "I mean it’s not a big deal."

"Not a big deal?  Someone who is  _not me_  is sending my boyfriend these," he grabs the letters and scowls down at them before tossing the pile across the table, "love letters that make him blush like he’s in freaking elementary school again and my getting upset is  _overreacting_?”

"I didn’t say that you being upset was overreacting.  I was talking about-"

Rin cuts him off and grabs one of the letters.  "I mean just who does something like this?  ’Your smile is brilliant and I wake up wondering if you’re going to light up my day again.  With love from your admirer.’ Really?"  The blush is creeping across Makoto’s cheeks again and Rin tries not to let it eat away at him.

"I don’t get what you’re so mad about."

"Do the people you work with know you’re in a relationship?"

"Well yeah but-"

"Do they think you’re not happy with me?  Are you keeping me a secret or something?"

"I’ve never kept you a secret.  I’m not ashamed of you or of being with you.  I never have been."  Makoto stalks around the table and backs Rin against the counter with a frown.  "Now tell me what is really your problem with these letters."  Rin refuses to meet his eye and shifts his gaze to the side.  "Are  _you_ not happy with  _me_?  Are you ashamed?  Want to keep me a secret?  Are you mad because someone else apparently finds me attractive?”

"It’s frustrating okay?  Frustrating to see someone else putting that little sappy smile on your face.  Seeing you blush and knowing I’m not the one who is causing it.  You’re so damn nice to everyone one of these times it’s not going to be a letter.  They’re going to come up and ask you out and you’re so damn nice you’re not going to be able to tell them no."

Makoto shifts backwards in surprise and Rin crosses his arms over his chest.  ”You think I’m going to go on a date with the person leaving me these?”

"You’re too nice to say no and they obviously like you a lot and can make you smile and make you happy and then that’ll be the end of it and why would you want to be around me when I can’t even make you happy anymore."  Rin is close to tears but Makoto can’t even bring his hand up to cup Rin’s cheek like he usually does because that statement hurt.  Hurt him in a way he didn’t even know Rin  _could_  hurt him.

"You think that little of me that you assume a few nice words from some stranger is going to get me to dump you?"  Makoto steps back to the table and gathers the papers up and tosses them into the garbage can by the door.  "I need to take a walk and for the record I’ve never once implied to anyone or even thought that being with you doesn’t make me happy."

"It’s not you I think that little of," Rin mutters as the door shuts behind Makoto and he sinks to the kitchen floor.  "It’s me."


	2. Apologies

Rin visits Makoto at his office the next day, something they rarely do because of their busy schedules and the fact that their work places aren’t exactly close to each other. He returns greetings with a forced smile as Makoto’s coworkers tease him about being such a good boyfriend. He bites back from snapping and demanding that if they really think that then why would they send his boyfriend those notes.

Even if his coworkers are mislead though, Makoto apparently knows very well why Rin is there, and his face morphs into frown of disapproval as soon as he sees Rin. It makes guilt roll in Rin’s stomach even as he hands over the lunch he’s made.

Rin hears a sigh of disappointment and it’s then he realizes he’s been looking around suspiciously at everyone, any good nature wiped off his face. Turning to his boyfriend, Rin shifts nervously, “For yesterday, I wanted to apologize…”

The look Makoto pins him with is something Rin hadn’t seen in a long time, but once that’s been showing up recently. It shows how he’s obviously hurt and angered Makoto and Rin flinches, “Don’t lie, Rin.”

Rin wants to say he really did come to apologize. Makoto didn’t even come to their bed last night, and Rin had lain in bed til the early hours of morning wracked with guilt. But he can at least admit to himself that even if it’s partially to apologize, it really is only a tiny part of his reason.

"I’m sorry," he grudgingly says, and Makoto scoffs.

It feels awkward and tense and Rin wonders if Makoto’s admirer is getting a kick out of the fact they’re fighting. The thought makes him look around again, glancing suspiciously at the people still around. Most look to be minding their own work or having lunch but -

A clatter as Makoto almost slams the lunch box on his desk makes Rin turn his attention back to him, and the anger there is a spear to Rin’s heart.

"Couldn’t you even trust me?" he hisses, and Rin wants to answer, wants to explain that how could he when Makoto could be happier with someone else, and maybe that admirer was it, and he doesn’t want to take that risk because Rin is just that selfish apparently.

A hand on his shoulder stops him though, and it’s a familiar weight there. He turns an exhausted smile to Sousuke. Rin’s been so wound up about this, he’d forgotten his best friend is there, but his presence there now relaxes Rin.

For a second he wonders if he can ask Sousuke to watch out for Makoto, for a second he thinks his friend is there so nothing bad should happen. It’s only for a second though, because as soon as Sousuke returns his smile with a fond one of his own he’s turning his attention to Makoto and Rin stands there confused, and wondering what the fuck he’s seeing.

The two are a sight to behold, their body languages open with each other, and Rin knows logically they are friends, he’s hang out with both together after all. But it feels different, and it hits him how much closer they are than he first thought. They’re practically in their own world despite Rin standing right there. Sousuke’s gaze is focused on Makoto, his smile fond and teasing. And Makoto returns it with his own warmth, a laugh in his voice as they talk. It’s like he hadn’t been so upset with Rin just earlier. Like Sousuke’s very presence just made it all disappear.

"Oh."

Rin hadn’t even been aware he had spoken, but the two immediately turn to him. And it’s wrong because Makoto doesn’t look happy anymore, his face worried instead of smiling, and Rin grits his teeth, thankful he has more control of his goddam tears now.

"Rin?" Sousuke asks, his hand on Rin’s shoulder feeling like such a weight now.

He brushes it off barely keeping his touch gentle, as he turns away, “I have to go.”

Rin refuses to look at either of them, instead concentrating on walking faster as he hears Sousuke say that he’ll take care of it. He almost turns back then to make a scathing remark, but he’s already getting confused looks from Makoto’s other coworkers.

The familiar footsteps get closer and despite Rin trying to will it, the elevators don’t come any faster, and Sousuke slides in just as the door closes behind him.

Rin gives him no chance to speak though, “It’s you.”

The familiar friendly smile that right now made Rin want to punch him falls off, “So, that really was why you’re here.”

That’s it. No excuses or denial or clarification. He’d approached them earlier probably already knowing what was happening as soon as Rin walked in.

Rin grabs him by the collar, pushing him against the doors. As always, Sousuke doesn’t put up a fight, going with Rin’s actions easily, despite the fact that if he chose to, Rin wouldn’t be able to so much as budge him.

"You always did know me best," he grits out, shaking and unable to keep himself from leaning against Sousuke. "Did you already expect that I would fuck up? Trying to get ahead of everyone else?"

The statement shocks Sousuke, the taller boy grabbing Rin by the arms and pushing him away just enough so he could look at him, “That’s not-“

"Then why," Rin demands, trying to shake away Sousuke’s hold. The grip remains firm though and Sousuke looks desperate to explain himself.

"I just thought they’d make him happy, I-"

Rin scoffs, “Oh because I can’t?”

"I’m not saying that if you would just let me explain-"

It’s a dirty trick to aim for a weakness he knows about, and if he were less blinded by how hurt he is, Rin would have probably hit himself for what he does. As it is, as soon as the elevator dings at the ground floor, Rin makes a jab at Sousuke’s shoulder, eliciting a gasp of pain from his friend as he instinctively grabs at it, letting go of Rin.

"Wait," Sousuke grits out as Rin turns to exit. "Rin just wait, let me explain."

Rin halts but not because of his words, instead it’s the sudden feeling of exhaustion as his tears fall, “Of all the people I never would have expected you to do this to me.”


	3. It's Broken Now

By the time Makoto makes it home that night Rin is already gone.  There are only a few clothes missing along with his smaller duffel bag so Makoto can only assume he’s gone into hiding for a few days and will be home soon.  He scrolls through his phone as he gets ready for a shower and sends a quick text off.

_He’s not at your place is he?_

The reply doesn’t surprise him.  

_No.  Shit he’s not home?_

He’s not exactly worried.  Judging by the way Sousuke had sulked back to the office after he and Rin talked Makoto had kind of expected Rin to be absent that night.  Since he wasn’t at home and he was currently at odds with his best friend Makoto figures he’s probably at Gou’s.  So he sends off another text as he pokes in the fridge for something to eat.  When his phone vibrates he can already guess what it says.

_Yes he’s here.  He’s not talking to anyone though.  I don’t know who screwed what up but you guys need to fix it asap._

Makoto wonders if he should feel offended that Gou thinks he might have screwed something up but then remembers last summer and the swimming pool incident and sighs to himself.  

The thing is he’s not entirely sure who screwed up what or even what exactly the problem was.  Which makes fixing it that much harder to do.

He curls up in bed a few hours later and pulls Rin’s pillow to his chest.  It’s two days in a row now that he’s slept alone and after years of having Rin sharing his bed it feels so empty.

Sousuke won’t even look at him the next day when he gets into the office nearly forty minutes late.  He’s not used to waking up without having Rin around to pester him and laugh at his morning zombie status and shove too much coffee at him before he leaves.  Makoto manages to make it through the day without any mistakes, surprisingly, and he shuffles home exhausted.

The pattern repeats itself until it’s been a week since Rin came to his office.  A week since he last heard Rin’s voice or saw his face.  He nearly falls asleep at his desk at lunch time; he does fall asleep sometime that afternoon and only wakes up when Sousuke shakes his shoulder.  He doesn’t look much better off than Makoto feels and he grimaces when Makoto sits up.

“I am so sor-”  Makoto holds up a hand to cut him off.

“Don’t bother apologizing to me.  I don’t even know what all is going on.”  Makoto isn’t trying to be rude to Sousuke and he’s pretty sure he understands that.  Makoto gives him a sympathetic glance and pats his shoulder as he stands up.  “We’ll get this figured out soon.”  He’s not sure if the muttered “I hope” comes from him or Sousuke and really, he thinks as he takes the stairs to the bottom floor, it doesn’t matter much.  Especially when he gets home to find that a different set of Rin’s clothes are gone from the closet and a note that simply says ‘Sorry’ on it is sitting on the kitchen table.

—-

Sousuke knows he made a mistake the moment he watches Rin run out of that elevator. He wishes he had somehow tried to chase after him, and he rubs at his shoulder absently as he goes back to the office, not quite able to look Makoto in the eye. How had he even screwed up so badly? Had misread Rin so much?

When he gets home and receives a text from Makoto asking about Rin, he curses himself once again, collapsing into his couch and burying his hands in his hair, pulling at the strands until they hurt. He did not think that things would go this wrongly.

The first time he’d sent the note it was because Makoto looked like he needed something to cheer him up, he was Sousuke’s best friend’s boyfriend but at the time he’d felt awkward approaching him about something potentially personal, so a note with things he thinks Rin would say to cheer him up had been the solution.

Makoto’s smile and chuckle when he read the note had warmed Sousuke and somehow it just grew from there. He’d imagined Rin laughing with Makoto about the notes, could almost hear Rin’s cheeky snickers and see his wide grin right beside the brunet.  He could picture Makoto teasing Rin about how the notes sounded like him and joking about who he bribed to bring them into the office; could see Rin’s embarrassed blush as he denies sounding so cheesy.

So he kept doing it.  It’s not like he had any intentions towards Makoto, he likes him well enough but he and Rin have been a thing practically forever and Sousuke would never step in between that.  He’d gotten to know him better over the last couple years at work and just wanted him happy.  Just like he wanted Rin to be happy.  He figured if Makoto came home from work happy that would help Rin be happy.  He thought maybe he was killing two birds with one stone.

He wakes up from a fitful dream of stones sinking him in the ocean and rolls off the couch with a groan.  Barely stumbling into work on time he hides behind a pile of paperwork and refuses to look at Makoto when he shuffles in almost an hour late.  Sousuke tries sending Rin a couple texts throughout the day.  Ranging from ‘sorry for being such an ass’ to ‘if you have to be mad at someone make it me and not Makoto’ to ‘please just let me talk to you and explain.’  None of them get a reply but he’s not surprised.  Rin doesn’t sulk often but when he truly gets pissed off he is basically unreachable until he wants to be.

He can’t get ahold of Rin.  He can’t bring himself to talk to Makoto.  He really screwed things up this time.

A week after his confrontation with Rin he stands to leave and sees Makoto sleeping at his desk.  After a minute or two of deliberation he shakes Makoto awake, the look on his face is probably as miserable as the one Sousuke is sure he’s wearing and he grimaces when Makoto fully looks at him.

He starts to apologize, wants to grovel and beg for forgiveness from anyone who will listen but Makoto stops him.  What he says would sound rude except Sousuke knows the feeling behind it.  He’s the one that screwed up so badly yet it was Makoto and Rin who were hurting the most because of it.

He watches as Makoto leaves, and feels like all he wants to do is go home and crawl into his bed and maybe just not exist for a couple weeks. He probably has no right to feel like that though, being the cause of everything. He rubs a hand across his face, and really prays that this can be fixed. He just wanted them to be happy after all.


	4. Let Me Explain

The next day is a blur to Makoto.  He knows that he does his work, Sousuke once again says nothing to him, and the entire office watches them carefully.  Thankfully he doesn’t fall asleep at all, instead he buzzes through his work with an intense focus.  He works straight through lunch, which isn’t anything strange this week since no one is there to make bentos with in the morning and all his efforts in cooking have been going towards making himself something he can force himself to eat alone at the table at night, and has nothing left to do by the end of the day.  He watches as Sousuke shuffles through the last of his own paperwork as everyone else packs up to go home.

After the last person has left Makoto takes a deep breath and heads over to Sousuke’s desk.  He doesn’t say anything when Sousuke stiffens and glances up at him before shoving the last of his wrinkled papers into a folder that he tucks into his bag.

“Look I-” Makoto drops a piece of paper onto his desk and turns away without a word.  If the situation wasn’t so dire Sousuke would be having a word or two with Makoto and Rin both about things like letting him finish a damn sentence once in awhile.  As it is he just picks up the paper and reads the one word on it, instantly recognizing Rin’s handwriting.

 

Makoto is already in the elevator and the doors nearly shut before Sousuke slips his hand in to stop them.  He takes a couple deep breaths as Makoto hits the button for the bottom floor and then stares at the wall.

“It’s more serious than I thought,” Makoto says and Sousuke has to stop breathing to hear his whisper.  “We need to talk.  All of us if possible.  But I’ll start by dealing with you first if I have to.”

“Dealing with?”  Sousuke’s voice falters as Makoto turns to him with a frown and he nods, suddenly exhausted.  “Sure.  But I don’t have the energy to do the whole cafe thing.  My place isn’t far from here so we can talk there if you want?”

They don’t talk on the way, there’s really nothing to say at the moment so they simply trudge down the street until they reach his building, both lost in their own thoughts.

The last thing he expects is to drag himself up the steps to the hallway of his apartment building, Makoto trailing tiredly behind him, and see Rin leaning against his door, duffel bag at his feet, and a weary, frustrated look in his eyes. He feels relief well up in him at seeing the red head, and he knows he’s probably grinning like an idiot as he stops, just staring at him. He’s automatically looking Rin over, cringing at how exhausted he looks, at the bags under his eyes. This is not what he wanted at all.

Makoto has stopped beside him, and he can feel the relief pouring off him as well, tension draining out of his body as he says Rin’s name.

Rin looks up at that, eyes narrowing in confusion as he takes in Makoto and Sousuke, and cold dread fills his stomach as he watches Rin’s eyes widen in shock. And no, oh God no. Betrayal flits quickly across Rin’s face, and even from this distance Sousuke can see tears prickling the corner of Rin’s eyes.

“Wait, Rin,” he begins, as Rin’s jaw clenches, biting down on his lips.

Makoto makes a noise of distress as Rin bends down to grab his bag, and then they’re both moving together, Makoto’s large hand grabbing Rin’s wrist, even as his own reaches out and then falters when Rin directs a betrayed glare at him.

His heart clenches at that, the pain from before almost nothing compared to how it feels now. It drives home the fact that despite what he thought he’d been hurting his best friend, he’d been hurting  _Rin_. He’s been imagining them smiling and laughing when apparently he’s been doing nothing but making Rin’s face twist into this expression.

Rin pulls his hand from Makoto’s hold, and the sneer he gives them both makes them look away.  “Oh?” he scoffs.  “What’s this?  A week and you two are together already? Glad you two are happy, looks like I didn’t need to come here after all.”

The words apparently send Makoto in a panic, as he makes another grab for Rin, this time less gentle.  “Rin please.”

Sousuke swallows nervously, stepping closer to the two as well. The hand he raises to Rin’s shoulder is wary and he closes it into a fist before dropping it to his side.  Makoto, of course, can touch him.  But Sousuke wouldn’t be surprised if Rin tried to bite him for the action.  “We were just going to talk.”

“Sorry for interrupting then.” Rin tries to shake Makoto both off but his larger physique keeps him trapped there. “I’ll let you two get to that.”

Makoto leans in close and rests his head against Rin’s shoulder.  “I want to talk to you too Rin.  I think we  _all_  need to talk.”  Sousuke reaches past Rin and unlocks the door, hoping that Makoto will keep him from bolting long enough to get him inside.  As soon as the door opens Makoto leans forward and gently pushes Rin inside.  Sousuke is still expecting some kind of fight out of Rin and carefully picks up his bag from the ground before slowly following them inside.

Rin turns to glare at him when he notices Sousuke has picked up his things, and he determinedly does not look back at him, instead striding towards the couch and depositing Rin’s bag and himself there.

“Are you taking that from me too?” Rin sneers.

“Rin I’m not taking anything from-”

“Yeah right.”

“Oh for the love of, if you two would let me finish a damn sentence and explain things once in awhile  _maybe_  we wouldn’t even be here right now.”

That makes Rin’s mouth snap shut, staring somewhat wide-eyed at his best friend.  He stomps over to the couch and grabs his bag, unzipping it with a growl at Sousuke, and digging inside.  Then Sousuke blinks as papers fly at his face and settle onto his lap.  “You want to talk?  Then talk about these.  Explain this.”

Makoto’s eyes widen at the sight of the pieces of paper, he hadn’t noticed their disappearance too caught up in Rin’s absence.  Makoto takes a step towards the couch and freezes when Rin turns to look at him, tears welling in his eyes.

“You took them?” He asks softly as Sousuke glares down at the papers.

Rin scoffs, not looking at either of them, instead eyeing the front door and swiping at his eyes.  He looks pissed and exhausted but Sousuke doesn’t think he looks ready to bolt out of the room.  Which he supposes, given the circumstances, is an improvement.  “What, should I have left them for you to reread? Did you two want to coo over your love letters together?”

“Rin,” Sousuke starts and then sighs as he glances at the letters in his lap.  He doesn’t even know what to say.  How to fix this.  How to even start to get back to where they were before.

Rin waits, waits until Sousuke starts fidgeting with the papers, waits until Makoto creeps closer and sets himself on the edge of the couch leaving Rin standing between them.  Waits until he feels ready to just burst.

“Do you hate me that much, Sousuke?”

Sousuke jumps to his feet, denial on the tip of his tongue, he can’t seem to make the words come out though. He wants to tell Rin that he’s never felt like that, or ever wanted Rin to think that. But Rin still refuses to look at him, and the pain in his expression makes Sousuke choke on his words.

“Of course, he doesn’t.”

The two of them jolt, turning towards Makoto.

Sousuke can’t quite find the words to describe the way Makoto is looking at both of them, like they’re missing something huge and being silly.

He chuckles and shakes his head, eyes turning sharply to Rin. “This…everything about this is confusing Rin, but, to think that of Sousuke is-”

“Then why!” Rin growls at Makoto and then turns back to Sousuke, “Why would you- If you didn’t think I wasn’t good enough then why-” He breaks off with a whine that nearly breaks Sousuke’s heart again.

 

“Not good enough?”  Sousuke glances from Makoto to Rin.  “Rin I’ve never doubted that you and Makoto are anything but good for each other.  Where the hell did you even-”  He sighs and drags his hand across his face.  “That’s not the point.”  Rin is watching him from the corner of his eye and Sousuke chews on his lip for a moment, trying to figure out the best way to say it.  Now that he actually had Rin and Makoto both in front of him he figured straightforward was his best choice.  “Look.  Makoto was having a crappy day a few months ago and I was just trying to cheer him up.  So I thought of something cheesy that you would say and I left a note on his desk.  And then it just kind of kept happening.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why are you so concerned with making Makoto happy?”

“Because it makes you happy.”

Rin turns to him, mouth slightly open, and Sousuke winces, waiting for some kind of reaction.  Some sarcastic comment or tease about Sousuke being too concerned over Rin.  He glances to the side, unable to take Rin’s surprised stare any longer, and sees a look of understanding filling Makoto’s face.

Makoto steps over and rests his hand on Rin’s shoulder as he whispers something into his ear.

—

“Rin,” Makoto’s fingers tighten on his shoulder as he whispers, “he was thinking of you the most when he wrote those.  They were meant to cheer me up because you’re happier when I’m happy.”

Rin’s eyes widen and he turns to Makoto, nose brushing his cheek, and shakes his head.  “What the hell does that mean?”

Makoto looks at Sousuke, wondering if it would be okay to be the one to explain this to Rin, if the other had even realized it himself.  Judging from the way Sousuke now guiltily avoids his gaze, Makoto believes he did know. If he’d realized this in a different situation, Makoto wonders if he’d have reacted differently, “It means he cares for you.”

Rin jerks back and gives Makoto a surprised look.  “Well of course he does.  He is my friend after all.”

“No Rin.”  Makoto frowns for a moment and then shifts away from Rin, voice returning to normal.  “I mean I think he cares for you,” his eyes dart to Sousuke who is slouched into the couch again like he’s hoping he can disappear into it, “like I care about you.”

“Like you care about…” His voice drifts off as he turns to watch Sousuke.  He looks like he’s gotten about as much sleep as Makoto and Rin and he feels a jolt of sympathy for his friend.  Sousuke’s always cared so much about him, done so much for him.  Rin feels a little guilty for assuming something so horrible.  A light blush covers Sousuke’s cheeks when he meets Rin’s eyes and suddenly Makoto’s words click.  “You’re saying Sousuke’s in love with me?”

“Rin I’m pretty sure half of Samezuka was in love with you.”  A surprised laugh actually slips out when Rin meets Sousuke’s eyes.  He hasn’t heard his friend sound so sulky since that time when they were eight and Sousuke couldn’t come play outside with him and Gou because he was sick.

“Including you?”

Sousuke holds his gaze for what feels like an eternity before suddenly glancing at Makoto and then standing.  He studies his feet for a moment and then heads down the hall.

“Rin!”  Makoto scolds as soon as they hear a door shut.  “That wasn’t very… very…”

“What?”

“Polite?  Tactful?”

“I just found out that my best friend since forever is most likely in love with me and you’re scolding me for not being tactful?  I’m panicking a little here.  Sorry for not being the saint you are and knowing exactly what to say.”

Makoto lets out a quiet groan and drops onto the couch, gathering the pieces of paper and tossing them onto the small table beside him without even glancing at them.  He already knew what they all said.  They were filled with little things about his bright personality and the way he smiled and his laugh and his eyes and now that he thinks of it they really do sound a lot like something Rin would say.  Maybe, Makoto thinks as he watches Rin gnaw at his bottom lip and stare at the hallway Sousuke had gone down, that’s what had him so uncomfortable.  The fact that someone else was saying the kind of things he normally would, the things he hadn’t been able to say to cheer Makoto up himself.

“Hey Rin?”  He reaches out and tugs on Rin’s jacket sleeve.  Rin meets his eyes with a wavering smile and then collapses into his lap without another word.

“I really fucked everything up again didn’t I?”  Rin finally whispers as he shifts around and tucks his head against Makoto’s neck.  Makoto sighs and rubs his hand down Rin’s back trying to think things through.  It’s easier now, to think that is, and he wonders if it’s because he has more of the pieces of the puzzle or because he has Rin back in his arms so his thoughts are less jumbled.

“I guess it kind of feels like the three of us are just stuck being teenagers sometimes.”  He can feel Rin’s forehead scrunch up in confusion against his neck and he laughs softly.  “We get so caught up on the final goal we kind of stop seeing what’s around us.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning Sousuke was so focused on making you happy by making me happy he never stopped to think that he was getting a different result.”  Rin pulls away and looks at him, taking in his tired smile and the bags under his eyes that matched Rin’s.

“None of us seem to happy now.  But why would he go through so much trouble?  Do you really think he,” Rin’s voice drops a little, eyes darting towards the hallway, “loves me?”

“You’d have to ask him that.”

“And if he does?  What then?  What about us?  I’m not going to leave you or anything, despite my epic show of maturity this week, but I don’t want to lose my best friend either.  How do we-”

Makoto interrupts him with a gentle kiss and a smile.  “Rin.  Stop focusing so much on the future.  We’ll deal with whatever we have to deal with when we get there.”  This time Makoto buries his face in Rin’s neck and takes a deep, calming breath.  “I think the first step should be you going and making sure your best friend hasn’t tried to suffocate himself under his pillows.  Maybe let him explain himself.”

Always thinking about others and wanting their needs to come first.  Rin scoffs.  “You’re too fucking nice Mako.  Anyone ever tell you that?”  His laugh tickles Rin’s neck and Rin shivers as goosebumps pop up under his sleeves.

“Oh don’t worry.  Sousuke and I will have our own talk later.”  He presses another kiss to Rin’s lips and raises his eyebrows.  “Just like you and I will have a talk.”

Rin stares at him for a moment and then rolls his eyes.  “That doesn’t sound very promising for either of our continued existence.”  Makoto just gives him a smile and nudges him off his lap.


	5. Just Fix It

It’s not like he doesn’t want to make up with Sousuke, he really does.  Sousuke is his best friend after all.  He just sucks at apologies.  A lot.  They both do.  Which is why they rarely do it.  A simple “Hey about that…” and then a “Yeah me too” was the extent of most of their apologies.  Rin stares at Makoto and he’s sure he’s wearing a pretty pathetic look but Makoto simply stares back and then looks down the hallway pointedly.

“Fine.  I get it.”

There’s so much he and Sousuke need to work out and so many ways this could blow up.  What is he supposed to do with the knowledge that Sousuke’s in love with him and has apparently been for awhile now?  He’s committed to Makoto.  They’re happy with the exception of this recent fuck up of a fight he caused.  Technically he supposes he could blame Sousuke, he was the one leaving the notes.  But that wouldn’t be fair because Rin was the one feeling insecure and refusing to listen and for the first time in a long time he had let his anger seriously get the best of him.

Rin stares at the closed bedroom door and wondered what Sousuke was thinking about in there. He knew Sousuke was there because the bathroom and spare bedroom doors were open and the only other door led to a linen closet and he’s fairly confident that Sousuke can’t fit in there.  In fact he vaguely remembers Makoto and himself trying to fit Sousuke in there one time when Sousuke had first moved in and they had thrown him an impromptu housewarming party.  Which had basically been Makoto, Sousuke, and him getting completely wasted - one of the few times any of them ever got that drunk since they became legal - and then eventually falling asleep in various parts of Sousuke’s apartment.

But that was years ago and right now he had a best friend on the other side of the door he needs to talk to.

Sousuke is basically exactly where and how Rin expects him: face down on his bed with his head buried between his pillows but not under them.  Rin watches him for a moment.  He knows Sousuke heard the door open because he saw the way he tensed up against the bed like he expected a fight.  He almost wishes they could fight about this.  Throw some punches and yell a little and be done.  Instead Rin sighs, walks over to the bed, grabs a pillow from it and smacks Sousuke in the back of the head once and then in the middle of his back.

“Dude.  You’re in love with me?”  A muffled laugh reaches him and he hits Sousuke in the back of the knees with the pillow for good measure.  

Sousuke reaches back and waves his hand in Rin’s direction.  “Shut up,” he whines and Rin smiles.

Maybe they were going to be okay after all.

He flops onto the edge of the bed and stares at the ceiling.  “No but seriously.  Are you?”  The mattress shifts as Sousuke turns on his side to look at him.  He lets him look, lets him gather whatever thoughts he needs, and waits.  Waiting isn’t exactly something he’s good at but it’s what Sousuke needs right now so that’s what he does.

“Yeah.”

“Since Samezuka?”

“Before probably.  But definitely after that.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“You and Makoto have always been happy together.”  Rin finally rolls onto his side and meets Sousuke’s gaze.  “I’d never intentionally come between that no matter what I feel for you.”  Sousuke searches his face like he’s waiting for some reaction but Rin’s not sure what exactly he’s looking for.

“Why the letters?”

“I swear I honestly thought you guys would be getting a kick out of them.  I figured Makoto would tease you and ask if you had someone on the inside slipping them to him.  That you’d deny it and critique whatever I wrote and tell him how you would say it better.”

“Why did you do it?”

“The first time was because he was having a bad day and I remembered you saying once that a frown doesn’t suit him.  That his face was made for smiles.  So I was trying to think if there was a way I could make sure he came home to you with a smile.  I thought of something you’d say to cheer him up but it would have sounded stupid coming from me.  So I wrote it down and left it on his desk when he stepped away.”  Rin doesn’t say anything this time, just watches as Sousuke watches him.  After a moment Sousuke lets out a huff of laughter and shakes his head. “Actually I think that first one said pretty much exactly that.”  He doesn’t continue and after a few minutes of silence Rin finally gives in to curiosity.

“Said what?”

“That a frown didn’t suit him and that even if he didn’t realize it his face was made for smiles.”  Rin lets Sousuke’s words sink in, lets them float around a bit while he pokes at them.  It makes sense, he supposes, in a Sousuke kind of way.  Flat out telling Makoto that he should smile more would come off as rude and as much of an ass as Sousuke can be he’s always tried to get along with Makoto.  Trying to tell him face to face to smile because a frown doesn’t suit him would be way too cheesy and flirty for Sousuke to say to the guy his best friend is in a relationship with.  So all in all the note thing makes sense but…

“Why did you keep going?”

Sousuke avoids his eyes, cheeks turning slightly pink as he buries his face against the pillows. He grumbles something Rin doesn’t catch, prompting him to nudge Sousuke’s thigh with his foot.

“What?”

He gets a glare for his impatience, but Sousuke huffs out a sigh. “I was imagining you guys smiling about it and laughing at how silly I sounded.”

Rin stares at him, because really? That was it? Something as simple as that somehow caused all this? Rin can’t help it; he snorts out laughing, “Oh god, that’s so cheesy.”

He hears a growl but is too late to dodge the pillow Sousuke launches at his face. The absolute immaturity of it causes him to laugh harder.  Which only makes Sousuke grab another pillow and throw it harder and Rin rolls to avoid this one.  Unfortunately he forgot that he was laying near the edge of the bed and he thumps to the floor.  His groan is covered by Sousuke’s disbelieving laugh as he scoots to the edge to peek down at him.

“Are you okay?”  Sousuke manages to breath out between laughs and Rin whines up at him in response, rubbing his head gently.  He reaches out a hand towards Rin and grunts in surprise when Rin grabs his wrist and yanks him onto the floor as well.

—

What were they going to do?  Sousuke loves Rin, of that Makoto has no doubt.  He’s always kind of wondered, to be honest, if there was more than just friendship between them.  Of course Rin cares for him back, they wouldn’t be best friends otherwise.  But Makoto wasn’t sure it was love.  Not the kind of love that Rin had for him anyway.  

But what if it was?  Or could grow into that kind of love?  What then?

He knew that for the most part Sousuke would be able to go on as if nothing had changed, given a little time to stop feeling awkward about it.  But could Rin?  He knows Rin wouldn’t intentionally change how he acted towards or around Sousuke.  But he would be much more aware of it, much more awkward about it.  Never a huge fan of “flaunting” their relationship in front of his friends he’d be even more aware of how he and Makoto acted around Sousuke.

So many variables.  So many ways for things to go wrong, just like all this had.

Just as important as how Rin and Sousuke feel about each other, Makoto thinks and stretches out on the couch, arms behind his head and eyes drifting shut, is how do he and Sousuke feel about each other?

“Shit,” he mutters.  So caught up in his thoughts and piecing things together he almost misses the first muffled thump from the bedroom.  He sits up and listens carefully and a moment later he hears a second, louder thump that has him heading down the hall.

Nearing the doorway he can hear them scuffling and he’d be concerned if not for the fact that he can hear laughter as well.  He leans against the doorway and watches as Sousuke laughs and pushes against Rin’s shoulders.  Rin’s stuck face down on the floor with Sousuke sitting on his lower back and Makoto tilts his head as Sousuke’s hands leave Rin’s shoulders and gently part his hair, probing lightly at his head.

The first thump must have been Rin falling off the bed or something and hitting his head.  Which meant the second thump was probably Sousuke somehow falling or getting pulled off by Rin.  Makoto shakes his head with a soft smile; he loves a couple of children.

Wait.  Does he love both of them?  He turns the thoughts over in his head as Sousuke continues to run his hands through Rin’s hair and some part of him is surprised by the lack of jealousy he feels over how intimate the action seems to be.  He knows he’s fond of Sousuke, he’s gotten to know him in the years since graduation and gotten to know him even more in the last few years they’ve worked together.  They’re comfortable together even when Rin suddenly leaves them alone to run and do something after inviting Sousuke over.  They’ve never really disliked each other.  But is that enough?

A frown settles over his face as he thinks and it takes a moment to register the sudden silence.

Rin looks up at him, side of his face still pressed into the carpet, with a worried look.  “It’s not what it looks like I swear.  I can explain it.  You see…”  Rin starts babbling about talking and pillows and falling off the bed but all Makoto can suddenly focus on is that just past Sousuke’s shoulder is an incredibly soft looking bed and Makoto is exhausted.  He’s been exhausted all week and being this close to a bed with Rin finally talking to him and in the same room he just can’t help himself.  Even if it is someone else’s bed.

Rin’s words die out as Makoto shuffles past them and crawls into Sousuke’s bed with a groan.  Sousuke slides back and Rin sits up watching as his boyfriend burrows himself into his best friend’s bed with a sigh.

“Rin,” Makoto mutters and pats the bed behind him, “c’mere.”  Sousuke clears his throat and stands, pulling Rin up from the floor and nodding towards the door.

“I’ll, uh, let you guys talk now?”  Rin nods and pushes him towards the door with a smile before turning and sitting on the edge of the bed.  They share a quick look and then Sousuke heads back to his living room trying to wrap his brain around what exactly has happened in the last hour or so.

Rin yelps a little when Makoto rolls over and tugs him down against his chest.  “You two better now?”  Fingers trace patterns on his stomach as he settles back against Makoto with a hum.

“I think so.  Or at least better than when I got here.”

“Does he love you?”  Rin stiffens but there’s no anger in Makoto’s voice.  No frustration or worry.  Just simple curiosity.

“Yeah,” he breathes out.  “He loves me.  Fuck what am I supposed to do with that Makoto?”

“Do you love him?”  The breath leaves Rin’s lungs and he freezes.  Makoto’s fingers still trace patterns on his stomach, his voice is still calm and curious, his breathing a steady press of Makoto’s chest against Rin’s back.  “Rin?”

“I love you.”

“I know that.  But that’s not what I asked.”  They lay for a moment in the quiet and then Makoto asks again.  “Do you love him Rin?”

“I don’t fucking know okay?  He’s my best friend.  You’re my boyfriend.  I care about you both.  I love you.  I just-” he breaks off before his voice can give out on him and succumb to the sobs he feels creeping up at the pressure of trying to figure things out.

“Shhh.”  Makoto presses a kiss to the back of his head.  “It’s okay.  It’s okay to not know.  It’s okay to be worried.  It’s okay.”

“What about you?”  He finally manages after a few minutes of swallowing the sobs trying to crawl out of his throat.  Makoto stills as he turns and settles himself so he can look at him.

“What about me?”

“How do you feel about this whole thing?”  The fingers start tracing patterns on his back and he feels himself relaxing into the touch.

“What I feel?”  Rin nods.  “Well.  I love you.  We all suck at communication lately.”  

The snort of laughter and mumbled “Understatement,” from Rin makes Makoto smile at him.  

“I like Sousuke.  He’s a good friend.  Honestly I kind of feel like I should be more upset.  Maybe I’m just too exhausted right now to be properly frustrated?  I mean I am upset that it got this far.  That you felt you had to leave for a couple weeks and none of us could talk to each other.  That you got do down about it.  That I let it go on so long.  But I can’t really get mad at him for loving you.”  Rin just stares at him in wonder because how the hell did he get this lucky?  How did he get lucky enough to fall for someone like Makoto and to have him love him back?  Makoto laughs a little, like he just figured something out, and Rin pokes him in the side.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing.  I just.  It’s amusing.  Now that I think about it.”  He points at Rin and then taps his nose with a smile.  “I’ve seen that same look on Sousuke’s face when he looks at you sometimes.”

It takes a few minutes for Rin to respond because holy shit did that suddenly put things into perspective for him.  When he finally comes around Makoto’s breathing is starting to even out and Rin knows he’ll be asleep before too long.  “Hey, Mako?”  He gets a sleepy hum and Makoto drags his eyes open to look at him.  “We’re okay, right?  We’ll be okay?”

“Of course.”  Rin gives him a quick kiss before sliding off the bed, laughing at Makoto’s little pout.

“You still want to talk to Sousuke tonight?”

“Yeah.”

—

Rin finds Sousuke sprawled on the couch facing the back of it, face buried in a pillow.  “Hey,” he nudges Sousuke’s knee with his foot and grins when he bats it away and turns to Rin with a scowl.  “Your turn.”

The scowl turns suspicious.  “My turn for what?”  Rin jerks his thumb towards the hallway.

“Talking.”

Sousuke groans and rolls off the couch onto his feet.  “Am I in trouble?”  His tone is light but Rin can see the wary look in his eyes as he glances down the hallway.

Rin laughs, “He’s too tired to be scary right now, you’re in luck.  Just go talk to him.  Answer his questions or whatever.”  He wanders away and Sousuke hears him shuffling things around in the kitchen.

“Don’t eat all my food,” he says as he slowly makes his way towards the hallway.  Rin grumbles something back about Sousuke shutting the hell up and after the week he’s been through he’ll eat all of Sousuke’s food if he wants.  But he’s not really listening to Rin, his eyes are focused on the open doorway near the end of the hall.  

It feels ridiculous.  He was a grown man damn it, just as big as Makoto was, in his own damn apartment and here he was inching down the hallway like Makoto was some monster from a nightmare waiting in his bed to gobble him up.

What he finds when he finally shakes himself out of his own stupid worries, after a laugh from Rin jolts him and he spots him shaking his head and going back to the couch with a sandwich, is definitely not a monster waiting for him.

Looking more like the angel he’s often called than the monster Sousuke has been fearing, Makoto is on his side facing the door, eyes closed mouth open slightly, and Sousuke watches his steady breathing for a moment.  

He doesn’t really need time to collect his thoughts, he’s been doing that for the last half hour on the couch.  Chasing them down and trying to keep them all from jumbling around too much.  But he appreciates the moment of solitude to just be there.  With Rin flipping through channels on his tv even though Sousuke’s sure he’ll be passed out on the couch not long after finishing his sandwich.  With Makoto dozing on his bed comfortably like he’s done it a million times before.

Green eyes meet his gaze and he blinks as warmth settles through him.  He knew he loved Rin.  But how did he feel about Makoto?  He knows somehow that whatever happens from here depends a lot on how he and Makoto deal with each other.

“Mind if I sit,” he asks as he shuffles into the room, gesturing towards Makoto.

“Your bed.”  He perches on the edge with most of his weight on the foot on the floor.  He’s not entirely sure what to do now.  What to say.

“So, uh,” he says.

Makoto laughs softly.  “Yeah.”  The bed shifts as Makoto rolls onto his back.  “Okay.”  Sousuke glances up from the floor and meets Makoto’s eyes.  “We don’t hate each other or anything right?  I mean I know I don’t hate you.”

“You don’t?  Even after all this?”  Sousuke shifts and settles himself a little more comfortably on the bed.

Makoto shakes his head with a small smile.  “No.  It would probably be a lot less complicated if I did hate you.  But I don’t.”  A relieved sigh slips from his lips before he can stop it and he leans his head back against the wall.

“I’m glad.  I figured you’d be pissed at me.”

“Tell you the truth I think I kind of am.  But I’m too tired right now to focus on that.  Maybe tomorrow we can yell at each other or something.”

Somehow tension is easing out of his body with each word from Makoto’s mouth and before he really thinks about it Sousuke slumps down and stretches onto his back.  Rin’s words echo in his mind  _He’s too tired to be scary right now_  and Sousuke lets out another relieved breath.  Because now he got what Rin didn’t say.  That Sousuke could deal with Makoto tomorrow.  Because there would be a tomorrow between the three of them.

“To answer your question.  I don’t hate you either.  I’m not entirely sure what, if anything, I feel for you other than friendship.  But it’s not hate.”  Makoto hums in response and they stay like that for a few minutes and Sousuke thinks Makoto has drifted off and almost drifts off himself when his voice jerks him back.

“You love Rin.”  It’s not a question but Sousuke answers anyway.

“Yeah.”

“Me too.”  He hears the challenge in that statement.  The promise that if he hurts Rin again there will be hell to pay.  But he also hears the chance he’s potentially being given.

“I know.”

“So we see what happens?”  He turns onto his side and looks at Makoto and he can easily see how Rin fell in love with him.  It really has very little to do with his looks, though those are impressive as well.  It’s that smile and the way he’s too damn nice but you can sense the strength running through him and the way his eyes make you feel warm and secure and his voice kind of pulls you in.  Fuck.  He can definitely see how Rin fell in love with Makoto.

Looking back at it, at all the notes and the way he imagined them both laughing at them, smiling and happy, he realizes that maybe he’s a little in love with him too.

Rin stumbles into the bedroom somewhere around midnight.  He had fallen asleep with the tv on and had nearly fallen off the couch when he rolled over, forgetting where he was for a moment.  Only vaguely wondering why no one woke him up so they could leave he’s not surprised to find Sousuke and Makoto both asleep on the bed.

Makoto’s on his back, head turned towards Sousuke like they had fallen asleep talking.  Which given how Sousuke is on his side facing Makoto there’s a good chance they did.  Both were asleep in a nice comfy bed and they had left Rin to doze off on the couch alone.  How rude.

For a minute he debates grabbing some pillows and smacking them both in the face with them, but he’s exhausted and there’s a perfect spot between them for him to collapse into. He crawls into bed and drops down next to Makoto, pillowing his head on his chest with a content sigh.  He feels Sousuke’s fingers lightly curl into the back of his shirt and he glances over his shoulder at his friend’s still asleep face with a smile.

He’d have to give them both a talking to tomorrow.


End file.
